Some Scars are Best Left Closed

As I sit here in the hook I wonder what my former squad members would have been doing. The men and women under my command that died all those years ago. Very few people know why I have people call me FFEEAARR Incarnate. Each letter represents a member of my squadron. The squadron that was so lethal we were nick named fear. Reason being we were so effective that everyone was afraid to go up against us. We had no fear, we fought like daemons and always placed the mission first. That said we never abandoned a fallen comrade. Whether their ship was incapacitated or the pilot themselves was dead.

They were all killed and I was nearly killed. We were on a standard convoy and got ambushed, we were able to hold off the attackers till the convoy got away but we were unable to disengage and get away. We where all killed, the last thing I remember of that fight was looking at my dead squad members and watching the volley of missiles tear into my incapacitated ship.

Next thing I remember is waking up in a medical wing with tubes attached to various places of my body. After I regained my senses I found out I was the only survivor of my squadron, a relief fleet was sent in and had a hard time getting to our ships due to the large amount of destroyed enemy ships. That news filled me with both pride and sorrow, I was proud of my squadron for inflicting such a heavy toll on the attackers but was sad when I knew that the squadron was no more and would be forgotten and relegated to the pages of history. I was determined to not let that happen and changed my name to FFEEAARR Incarnate.

The remembrance forces a tear to my eye. Each member I loved like they were my brother or sister. After that fight my life went into a downward spiral, I began to drink heavily and used narcotics to the point that I couldn’t tell if the time was a.m. or p.m. let alone what day it was. It wasn’t until one of the squadron members fathers cought me in a bar and basically told me I owed the memory of his son more then just turning into a drunk and drug addict with both words and his fists. It was at that point that I decided to harden up and move on. I gave up the drugs and the alchole for the most part. I still enjoy the occasional drink but very seldom do I drink my self to oblivion.

I resolved to not dewell on how they died but what they were like when they where living. How we would always crack jokes and have a good time. To this day I try to do them honor by showing no fear in any engagement and being as lethal as possible at all times while in space.